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[29 May 2006|12:40pm] |
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I'm Downright Amazed At What I Can Destroy With Just A Hammer-Atom And His Package-Hamburgers |
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I forgot that I changed my password and being drunk before noon is no good for memorializing anything.
I am a negative jerk and this comes out when I'm under stress. I haven't been under any sort of major stress for 3-4 years. I'm not handling it well now.
There is nothing in my apartment. Desk is gone, bedside table is gone, bed is gone, come 7 o'clock tonight, the Merkinator will be gone. The only thing I have left is the damn entertainment center which I'm considering taking a machete to. I'll already be chopping the hell out of the bookshelf. I can't wait for that. Oooooh, aggression. Maybe I'll listen to some Faith No More while I do it. If the stereo wasn't gone.
Here's the shit thing: my desktop broke. It just won't turn on. Now I can't sell it, even though my mom insists she'll give me some money for it but I refuse to sell something that doesn't work and I won't take charity because in addition to being a negative jerk, I'm also stubborn.
I should get back to drinking. It's gonna be OCB time pretty soon.
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[20 May 2006|10:28am] |
I have two weeks left before I leave. I received my itinerary saying I'm departing June 2nd. I doubt the extra week will increase my desire to Learn Korean.
Maybe this was a horrible idea for such an apathetic person as myself. I'll get bored and start teaching the kindergartners curse words and cursing games:
"Who shit? 진대 shit!"
"Bullshit! Who shit? 진속 shit!"
"Bullshit! Who shit..."
And so on.
I still don't know exactly how I'll be teaching over there. I don't know how long I get to prepare either. At least I have enough saved up to by the plane tickets if something goes wrong.
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[17 May 2006|04:00pm] |
Just a reminder, though I think it's becoming plainly obvious that no one really cares:
I'm here for a week and a half and then I'm gone and I still suck at calling people.
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[12 May 2006|12:00pm] |
The following is a list of CDs that that Cheapo and CD Warehouse couldn't take. Let me know if you want any of them, and they're yours.
Also, I don't know why I have some of these, so don't ask.
Shipping News - Very Soon, and in Pleasant Company
Volante - Inland
Stevie Ray Vaughn - Interview/Lesson Disc
Selby Tigers - Charm City
Smashing Pumpkins - Still Becoming Apart
The Black Heart Procession - Three
The Pixies - Live at the Fine Line (these are burned discs)
AFI - The Art of Drowning
Cap'n Jazz - Analphabetapolothology
Death By Stereo - If Looks Could Kill, I'd Watch You Die
At The Drive-In - Vaya
At The Drive-In - In/Casino/Out
The Arrivals - Goodbye New World
Alkaline Trio - Goddamnit
Alice In Chains - Nothing Safe
Bankie Phones - Live @ Alpha (some of you may know him as Frankie)
Elvis Costello - When I was Cruel
Ernie Cline - Ultraman is Airwolf
Also, if anyone needs a 27" TV, 3 CD Aiwa stereo with semi-functional turntable (or just the turntable for free), a PowerMac G4 Dual 450 MHz with 17" monitor, a bedside table w/ drawer, or a desk, let me know as well. I'm pretty sure Jim's taking my bed, otherwise I'd put that too.
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[20 Apr 2006|10:29pm] |
I found out that if I work one day in May I get all of May covered for my health insurance. So my last day went from May 5th to May 1st. So I only have about a week and a half left at that wretched place. And then three weeks or so before I go to Korea.
I still have no idea how to speak Korean. I know some basic phrases and I'm getting better at reading Hangul (Korean script), but I don't think I'm going to be anywhere near where I should be by the time I leave.
I'm now being called "Korean" at work. Everyone keeps saying I'm going to end up marrying a Korean woman now. I keep saying only after a pre-nup so she can get citizenship and then a quickie divorce because I ain't getting married. Even though I know perfectly well I'll probably be just as scared of girls in Korea as I am in the US.
I have to get used to drinking again. If you need a drinking buddy, let me know. It's been so long since I've drank heavily in a social environment. I tried getting drunk last Saturday and threw up. This may be because of vodka, which is the first liquor that made me throw up. I also ordered a pizza at some point during my drunkenness. That was a nice surprise to find in the fridge.
There's so much shit to get rid of in this apartment. I'd list, but I'm sure I'd have a breakdown before I finished.
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[07 Apr 2006|07:58am] |
I'm going to Seoul, South Korea at the end of May (around the 27th) to teach English. I do mean this year.
I'm getting rid of virtually everything in my apartment. Some of it I'm selling, some I'm giving away. The only things I'll be bringing are my video games, laptop, some DVDs, some books, and clothes.
I am so incredibly nervous / excited. I'm trying to learn Korean, but it is very difficult. I have to work on speaking English slower and enunciating so that Kindergartners can understand me.
I still am horrible at calling people. If you want to see me before I leave, you'll have to call me. I may be there a year and come back, I may go to Japan after a year and come back after that. I may spend a good number of years traveling and teaching English.
My last day at ESI will be either May 5th or May 12th. Probably May 5th because I can barely stand it there. I'm thinking my brain is beginning to atrophy (as if it could anymore) and there's not a whole lot I can do to stop it since the damn patients just keep calling and I have no chance to read my book on Korea and I'm guessing I'll have even less time to read my books on speaking Korean once they arrive.
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[28 Mar 2006|07:24am] |
It appears that I'll more than likely be going to South Korea to teach English.
At the end of May. This year.
Two months from now. For at least a year/
I'll know for sure soon. If you want to hang out with me before then, better get a hold of me; otherwise, you'll have to buy a ticket to South Korea. Or it'll be a year before you see me or I just may stay and you'll never see me again.
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[22 Mar 2006|07:22am] |
Fuck!
I missed Pi(e) Day.
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[09 Mar 2006|06:31pm] |
My job is going really well. I had my first quality coaching and was told I'm doing everything correctly and apparently my supervisor is already worrying about me leaving his team via promotion.
I also may have met a girl. It's too soon to say how serious it could get, but I like her and it seems like she likes me.
Either way, I'm sure I've jinxed both of these happy thoughts by writing them here.
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[03 Mar 2006|09:34pm] |
I apologize for the following entry.
I really need to brag about this to someone besides my mom and to whom better than anyone and no one.
Tonight, while leaving Toys 'R' Us and complaining about the Nerf guns that Andrew and I had originally thought were priced at $4.99 and found out through a price checker that the sticker below them was a damn liar, we came to a claw machine. I decided I had $0.50 left from seeing that Chapelle movie and there was no better way to waste it then by trying to futily pick up a stuffed animal with a palsied claw. I mean mechanical. Sorry.
The bee was the obvious choice since the "HAPPY MARDI GRAS 2006" Bear was stuffed in. As the limp claw surrounded the bee, the excitement started rising. Some 2-3 year old kid with his grandparents finished his ride in the shaky car ride (Does any car actually run like that anymore?) and asked if he could play the claw game. He couldn't for some reason I couldn't hear I think about it not being a ride. At this point, the claws came up around the curves of the bee and we were about to walk away. The shaky claw picked up the bee by its arm sewn to its torso and lifted it and moved it the 6 inches to its right (if it's facing the same direction as me, which I think it was since it obviously wasn't facing me) and dropped it into the hatch.
"YES!" and I reached in, grabbed the bee, and offered it to the kids with his grandparents. He was scared at first then reached up and took the bee by the arm. "What do you say?" say the grandparents or parents of any kind whenever they're trying to teach a kid all the stupid niceties you need to use to be polite so that when their next birthday rolls around they don't embarrass the parents by demanding cake and then calling the mom a cunt for not getting a piece with more frosting as all children will do without the proper training. Huh?
So I said it was okay and to enjoy the bee. The kid waved at me when I was leaving.
And I just thought I'm so glad I'm never going to have to teach a baby how to say daddy. Stupid cute kid better enjoy that bee.
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[16 Feb 2006|06:52am] |
Yesterday I got a frog for telling a story about Franken-Berry, Boo-Berry, Count Chocula, Yummy Mummy, a friendly grocery registerer (note the second "er" indicating the person running the register, not the register itself), and Fruit Brute.
It was a toy sticky plastic frog with an plug in it's rectum connected to a string connected to a ring. After about 10 minutes of my playing with it during the discussion, the frog's anal plug fell out and the frog flew to the ground.
I decided the best thing to do was put the ring around the frog and hang it from my rearview window. So there is now a "Goatse" frog hanging from my car window. If I ever get a camera I'll take a picture. That frog has a gaping asshole.
Also Epitonic has a banner on their site saying their coming back in 2006. That would make me happy.
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[15 Feb 2006|06:42am] |
I got in trouble for the first time at work yesterday. We're still in training, but 7 people have been removed, (voluntarily or otherwise) from the class. Here's the two things that I've received written (that's right) warning:
Throwing a paper airplane
Looking up "mashed potato pizza" on Google and debating the use of pizza as medication ("How does this relate to work?" "You mean pizza's not considered medication?")
I would've gone into how I bet that baked potato pizza is the cure for cancer, but I'm sure with my luck t he trainer's son has cancer, though that would really be worse luck for them. And more so for the kid. Then again, the kid won't have to grow up to find out how much being a grown up sucks..
KIDDING!
The pizza was okay, not phenomenal as I was hoping. The crust was soggy.
The paper airplane warning I'm getting taken off though because I argued on a technicality because I said that I was given the written warning because I threw the plane again after a verbal warning. I didn't throw the plane, someone else threw it back. I put it down after that. It was funny because it was obvious that the trainer didn't want to take off the warning at first but I was right.
I lied anyway. I don't even remember the first verbal warning. I heard the yell after my second throw which I took as the verbal warning but it wasn't. Even so, the trainers have 20 other people to watch out for and I don't normally cause trouble.
Kind of. I did get moved in the class since I was apparently part of the "bad" group. As in, we've all gotten the highest scores on the tests and we all seem to think we should be doing the training now since we've cleared up 90% of the mistakes the trainer's have made.
I think I'm just bitter because I could be doing something that's actually mentally stimulating. Or more so because I've started reading Amusing Ourselves to Death by Neil Postman again and I read through the time-keepers to time-savers to time servers paradox and it seems all I ever do is stare at the clock while I'm in training.
I've covered the clock on my phone and computer because of this.
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[26 Jan 2006|10:15pm] |
The jerks at the plasma center wouldn't let me donate because today would've been the third time in a 7 week period that I would've donated plasma. I guess the lesson is that I shouldn't deviate from my schedule, otherwise I'm'a have to change the schedule again.
But I don't even need that fucking lesson. I don't even need my plasma. I need my damn $30.
It's not like I ever get sick anyway. The last time I actually remember being debilitated from sickness is sometime around Frankie's 18th birthday (So.... 4 years ago?), and even then I went to a strip club. And learned that I hate Deja Vu, and, chances are, strip clubs in general.
Can't touch the strippers, can't touch yourself. Why would anyone pay $15+ for that?
Ultimate Spiderman is an awesome game. Even if the Human Torch is a dick. And cheats at races. Cause he's a dick. A flaming dick.
Oh, and I'm not working in the nice building at work. The call center does not have strawberry candy smelling soap. It has soap smelling soap which is something I haven't seen in a while.
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[24 Jan 2006|06:26am] |
I started the new job yesterday. Well, actually, I went through the orientation. Which I already knew most of the stuff they were talking about. The benefits stuff was helpful, otherwise I'd have been clueless about what I was choosing until 30 days from now and end up having to choose on a whim.
I can't wait till my vision insurance kicks in. I'm so sick of these glasses. Never never never get transition lenses. I got mine for driving and they don't work in the car.
The first two girls doing the orientation both had neon sweaters. One was green, one was pink. It was like when the 80s tried to make Xmas cool. They were also both blond with glasses and real "peppy." They were the HR contacts. The benefit lady snapped when everyone kept having side conversations over the benefits magazine. Then we got let out early and I went to get Strawberry Milkshake and Apple Strudel Pop Tarts.
I also got deodorant and melon soap. Neither tastes good on Pop Tarts.
Speaking of soap, the soap at work smells like strawberry candy so maybe it won't be so bad just based on that.
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[09 Jan 2006|09:18am] |
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I'm trying an old timey prison diet. Bread and water. That's it. I might add coffee to that. And maybe grapefruit juice. Really, I'm just hoping to waste away.
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[04 Jan 2006|10:30pm] |
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Anyone want to have an anorexia contest?
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[03 Jan 2006|05:07pm] |
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I'll have a job come January 23rd. I'm going to save up money, which will probably be easy considering I don't go out. If I have enough saved up by the end of my lease (if being the operative word there since I don't think I'll have much saved up), I'm going to start looking for jobs out west. Then I will promptly disappear.
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[28 Dec 2005|10:33am] |
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I have an vague desire to rip out the insides of an unsuspecting victim for no real reason. Then wear them as a hat while singing a parody of "Under Pressure" by David Bowie and Queen, obviously entitled "Under Innards."
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[27 Dec 2005|06:58pm] |
I spent two hours cleaning my apartment today. It was disgusting. I vacuumed up enough hair to make another cat. Not that I would want to. The one I have stinks things up enough around here.
Speaking of small animals, I'm somehow allergic to dogs now. What the fuck kind of sick fucking joke is this?! I'm allergic to cats, so I get a cat and I'm no longer allergic. Now I'm allergic to dogs?! Is there some sort of medical precedent for this?
I did make friends with Pat's dog, Meatcliff. I love that dog. I want to clone him.
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[24 Dec 2005|12:18pm] |
A bag of pee got me a job. Not my pee of course. Gross, huh? Actually, it's not for sure yet, but as long as they didn't have a camera on me in that bathroom, I'm good. I don't think I'm going to elaborate on this.
I think the beard is coming back. I should probably get a picture of it this time. I'm also thinking anorexia will be a good resolution.
I still don't like black coffee. I just feel like I need to be somewhat awake. I'm close to beating Metroid Prime. Turns out I didn't totally fuck up. Now I just need to beat Metroid Prime herself. Even though I know how it will end. You beat the boss, everything starts crumbling. Run back to the ship, take off and Samus may or may not strip out of her suit depending on how much shit you found and sometimes how long it took to get through the game.
Seriously. Same beginning and ending every time. You'd think it'd get old, but then who doesn't love a sexy woman with an arm cannon? I know I'd be willing to enter the sacred bonds of matrimony with a woman who could blow my head off at any second.
My foot is feeling better. The bruises look like tribal tattoos. That makes me want to get a tattoo of bruises. Not really. I still don't get tattoos.
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